Crashing In and Pushing Off

This Monday, 15 August 2011, my amazing, wonderful, loving, funny, caring grandfather passed away.

It wasn't entirely a shock, as his health had gone downhill recently, but he was always larger than life in my mind; I thought he would live forever. Witty, smart, fun, warm. The perfect patriarch, he supported his children and grandchildren, pushed us when we needed pushing, helped us up when we scraped our knees, gave us countless hugs, kisses, and smiles. I am so grateful that I was able to spend time with him when I was home for my bachelorette party two weekends ago. I cherish those hours we spent together.

I keep thinking of moments I had with him - each smile and phrase leads to another memory, another moment spent together. More stories, more emotions. It's funny how thoroughly my interations with him are woven throughout my memories of childhood, growing up, and into adulthood. He was so present in the lives of his children and grandchildren. I grasp at these fragmented thoughts and memories, writing them down so I don't forget.

He was so excited about our wedding, and I am incredibly sad that he will not be there to witness our love and joy that day. Always social and out-going, he loved big events and relished in time spent with family and friends. With just over a week until our wedding, his passing has left me with a rip-tide of emotions that I am still trying to process.

A deep mourning, of course. He has been a rock of stability in my life for so long that, while I feel a keen sense of loss and a quiet, persistent sorrow, I also feel that the part of my life and heart that he occupied is still full, still present. I know that he will always be there.

Guilt, that I will be celebrating and happy when he is not there to join in. Guilt that my family has to continue dealing with the hassles of the wedding, when they should be focusing on family, and him.

Anger, that God called him away from us, but also acceptance and understanding that it was his time to go.

Blessed, because he was so involved in my life. Blessed, for all of the time I was able to spend with him. Blessed. Blessed and loved.

There are more, of course, but I do not care to try to examine or understand them. I just know they are present, when he is not.

He would, of course, dislike our sadness. If he were here, he would say something funny - a joke, or a witty remark - to lighten the mood and get us to smile. So, a few memories of him to make me smile:

- Bookar Park, and other nicknames
- Him, mowing the lawn in his swim trunks, always so tan from the summer sun
- Him, walking over every morning to take our dog out
- Him, eating corn on the cob outside by the fireplace
- His hands helping me find strawberries and tomatoes from the container garden
- Him, showing me how to use his old typewriter in the basement
- All of his baseball caps
- "Of course you do, my dearie"

- Him, singing with his buddies at our Christmas parties

- Him, dressing up as Santa Claus when we were little

- Him, always asking me to try lutefisk at our gatherings

- His love for Grandma

- His love of dogs

- His love for me

When we were little, we would love swimming in their pool. They filled it with icy-cold creekwater, so in the early summer the pool would be freezing. My sister, cousins and I would stand at the water's edge, dipping our toes in, not wanting to take that first dunk.

He would walk up behind us, saying "You have to do it like this. You  just crash in..." and he would plunge in backwards with abandon, "and push off!" We always shreiked with laughter, and followed suit.

I love using that phrase now, because to me, he wasn't just teaching us how to brave the cold water. He was encouraging us to pursue things we love with no reservations, to plunge in without constantly worrying, to embrace things that might make us uncomfortable or that were out of our realm of understanding, to make our mark on the world. To crash in, and push off.

Jag älskar dig, Morfar.

Something Blue. And Polished.

I know that I owe you another post on our fabulous invitations, but I wanted to take a time out for a sec. As we creep closer and closer to W-Day, I am starting to think about little details that have slipped my mind up to this point. Such as, you know, my "something blue." Little things like that, which aren't really important (to me, at least) in the grand scheme of things, but would still be a nice touch. Since I'm not wearing a garter, I was thinking of other ways to work in the color blue. Think think think. And then, in my post on W-Day nail polish, it hit me over the head when someone made a suggestion in the comments - toenails! Polish! Blue toenail polish!

Duh. It looks awesome in pictures and, because it would be on toenails that are covered by my big ol' dress, they wouldn't be easily visible (and thus look out of place against our palette).

{Photography by Kate Harrison, via Green Wedding Shoes}

Doesn't it look fab?! I love it. And because I like sharing, I wanted to share some of my favorite blue polishes for your toes (or fingers!), just in case you're still looking for your "something blue."

Bold Blues

Butter London's "Royal Navy" is a gorgeous, silky navy. This color would look SO fab on toes - I am feeling a strong urge to go out and buy it immediately. I don't think I want to go this dark, even on my toenails, for the wedding, but this is a great staple color to have on-hand. I love, love, love it. Classic, chic, and modern.

{Butter London's "Royal Navy"}

Essie's "Mezmerised" is super bold, fun, and a very straightforward blue. I have this one, and it is just beautiful. I think I want something a bit softer for the wedding, but if you are looking for a strong, jewel-tone blue, this is your polish.

{Essie's "Mezmerised"}

A bit lighter and more purple-y than "Mezmerised," Deborah Lippmann's "I Know What Boys Like" is another bolder blue. I can imagine this one on sandaled feet with a shorter, cream or ivory wedding dress, perhaps on the beach. Although it's a bold blue, it's slightly softer than some of the darker blues I have found. 

{Deborah Lippmann's "I Know What Boys Like"} 

Butter London's "Artful Dodger" is lighter than the two above colors, but it is still a bold, turquoise-y blue. Like a clear summer sky. This one is nice if you want to go bright and bold, but not too deep of a blue.

{Butter London's "Artful Dodger"}

Softer Blues

I still love Chanel's "Riva." Such a pretty, shimmery blue. Light. Airy. Great for a tropical beach wedding. If only I could get my hands (I mean, toes) on a bottle.

{Chanel's "Riva," via Nylon Mag}

Essie's "Sweet Talker" is a really feminine, soft, ethereal blue. This one is definitely a top contender for me right now; I love how light it looks, and I bet it would look great on toenails.

{Essie's "Sweet Talker"}

Deborah Lippman's "Glitter in the Air" is a super-subtle, glittery blue. This is such a fun color, and would be perfect for toes in a summertime wedding. I don't think you would need a sheer coat under it, either, since it has the milky-blue polish in there. Plus, it would complement my glittery shoes!

Unfortunately, it is sold out on DL's site, so you would need to scrounge around to find it, I imagine. This one is my front-runner currently - if only it weren't sold out!

{Deborah Lippmann's "Glitter in the Air"}



Other

Another glitter polish (can you tell that I'm diggin' the glitter right now??) - Deborah Lippman's "Lady Sings the Blues" is seriously kick-butt. You could layer this over white to make the glitter pop, or just swipe it on with a sheer base-coat.

{Deborah Lippman's "Lady Sings the Blues"}

Okay, I honestly can't stop with the glitter. It's a problem. But it's just so dang pretty! And fun! And celebratory! Perfect for weddings, don't you think? Everyone wants twinkle-toes on their wedding day.

{Deborah Lippmann's "Today was a Fairytale"}

Did you wear a blue toe(or finger)nail polish as your "something blue?" Any other suggestions for good blue polishes?

A Candied Invitation: Part I

Whelp, I figure it is just about time to do the big Candy Apple invite reveal. Would you like that, Hive? Would you like to see our invites? Well, too bad if you wouldn't like to - you have a lot of pictures coming your way! And let me tell you: I can't wait to share!

First off, I just wanted to point out that, yes, we did indeed use an invisible ink pen to covertly number our RSVP cards. Unfortunately (ahem, I mean fortunately), we did not have to resort to breaking it out, as everyone either wrote their names on the RSVP card, or at least had a return address label on the envelope. I was a bit bummed that I couldn't put my sleuthing to use, since I spent so freaking long labeling all of those cards with the invisible ink, but oh well.

Okay, on to the goods! Like many (many, many, many, many, many, many) Bees before me, Mr. CA and I worked with the incredibly fabulous and talented Kristin Walker of Twin Ravens Press. I honestly don't recall where I first saw her work - I believe it was in a post by Mrs. Panther? I just remember checking out her site and immediately feeling a connection to her work. Her letterpressing was just beautiful, and she seemed to take such pride in what she does.

Just a little aside here, guys, but seriously, Kristin is amazing. Hire her immediately. She took my silhouettes and some vague ideas I had and somehow churned out a perfect, elegant, and classic stationary suite. And she did all that with a broken hand. Yes, I love her. Period.

Anyway. Like other brides and Bees, I insisted on using baker's twine with our invitations (we went with Whisker Graphics in Plum Purple and Oyster).

I was a bit worried about how much I would need, so I ordered three spools of 240 yards each. Yeah, I definitely only used about 3/4 of one spool for 100 invitations. Oops? Once again, Candy Apple over-orders. Oh well. I am, again, glad that I had too much than too little! Plus, it means I can maybe sneak some in to other decor elements.

I started out by measuring one length of string to fit around the invitations twice, with a knot, and then painstakingly lining up that "template" length as I unrolled the spool, cutting each strand with scissors. Mr. CA really sped things up when he set up some weird, Saw-like contraption to unwind the twine more smoothly and cut it more quickly. Yes, he did tape an exacto knife to our chair. Yes, I was paranoid we would stab ourselves. Yes, I made him stay away from the room until I was finished. Do not try this at home folks! Actually, maybe you should - it made the cutting go so much more quickly!

The cut twine. So pretty! After that was all cut and laid out all pretty-like and untangled on the back of my chair, it was time to punch some heart holes into our Moo Cards, to string the twine through. Because, you know, I like hearts. They kind of go with the whole 'love' thing that weddings are all about.

Can I just say that this part freakin' sucked? You see, the first heart punch I bought was broken - it was totally sticking when I squeezed it together to punch through the card. I had to manually pull the prongs apart each time! So ridiculous. I thought (stupid CA!!) that was just how the punch was, and that I was wimpy, so I somehow got through quite a few cards before my manual pulling-apart of the prongs literally broke the thing in two. So dumb.

I drove to Michael's and bought another one (looking super pissy and sweaty and like a mad woman, might I add). The second one worked perfectly!! It was so smooth punching through the cards; I can't believe I thought the first one was okay. Moral of the story: if your punch feels weird when you're using it, return it and get another one.

 At least I got an arm workout

 

But the hearts turned out super cute, so it was alllll worth it

 A punch from the "first" batch. Yeah, there were some dents from the crappy punch. Oh well.

And the back of the Moo cards. Again. Because I love them. 

Honestly, I wasn't too concerned about finding a coordinating stamp for our invitations. However, as I was checking out the USPS site for stamps, I happened upon these Holiday Evergreen Stamps that looked impeccable with the suite. I am pretty sure they were made specifically for our invitations. Aren't they perfect? Not only are the colors complementary, but Washington (where we're getting married) is the Evergreen State. Get it? Evergreen stamps, for the Evergreen State? Har har har.

 Oh, and did I mention that we had the amazing Michele, of Calligraphy by Michele, do some lovely work on our envelopes? Not only was her work seriously gorgeous, she was also really affordable. She was also really fast; she turned around our envelopes within a day of receiving them. What a vendor!

I am so pleased with the result - I think the lovely loops and swirls gave the invitations just the right touch. And I love the white font against the sage-y green of the envelopes. It pains me to have to blur any of her delicate work!

I honestly was so in love with the calligraphy that I didn't want to send the envelopes out. Michele did such an amazing job! I wanted to keep them all to myself. So, I just ended up taking a picture of, oh, every single envelope. Well, almost. Until Mr. CA demanded that I stop being a crazy person. Hey, I paid for that calligraphy! I wanted to be able to remember it...

But seriously - they are pretty. We received so many compliments on the calligraphy, and the invitations in general!

Those puppies were ready to go! Um, and I'll say it again - I love the beautiful, perfect stamps. Also, can I just say that these stamps re-taught me how to tell the difference between different types of evergreens?? Learn something new every day...

Detritus. Apparently our twine-cutting device wasn't as accurate as using my scissors. Oh well.

Okay, okay - I'll give you a sneak peek of the invites themselves...

Can you tell that I love these invites? It was hard sending them out into the world.

Oh who am I kidding - they were all ready to go! This was a good day...

Next up: the invitations themselves! I know you're excited.

Did you use the invisible ink pen, only to end up not actually using it? Anyone else have issues with their hole punch? Did you choose coordinating stamps for your invitations? Did they help you learn anything while you were stamping your envelopes Any other fellow baker's twine lovers? Calligraphy fiends? And, seriously, how cute is that little heart punch??

Invitation Design and Printing: Twin Ravens Press
Calligraphy: Calligraphy by Michele
Heart Punch: Fiskars Hand Punch - 1/4-in Heart, from Michael's
Baker's Twine: Divine Twine, from Whisker Graphics
Stamps: Holiday Evergreens (Forever) stamps, from USPS
Mini Cards: Moo Cards
Silhouettes: Blue Clara

The Art of Losing is Hard to Master

Like many brides before me, at the beginning of our engagement (a whole 15 months ago) I vowed to lose weight and get in better shape.

Don't get me wrong - I consider myself to be fairly thin, and understand that I am not overweight for my height and body type. However, I had gained weight in the years since college, and wanted to look more lean and toned. Not only that, but I wanted to feel better. We're talking about my wedding day, after all! I wanted to look as good as I possibly could, and be healthier to boot.

So, alongside Mr. CA, I started eating even better than we had been previously, and exercising.

The real kick in the butt was when I went to try on wedding dresses. I was shocked that the dresses I tried on had such tiny sizes. To give you an idea: I generally wear a size 4 in dresses. The dress I ended up purchasing was a size 10. A TEN.  What is the deal with that?? How is that possible? I honestly do not understand how their sizing is so different from regular clothing. Even though I knew the sizing was irregular, it made me really self-conscious and worried about my weight.

Nevertheless, I waxed and waned in my exercising over the next few months - going through spurts of sustained work-outs, then lapsing into indolence. I have a very long commute each way to work, and it is really hard to squeeze in time to work out. I'm out the door by 6:20am, and don't get back until around 7pm, when all I want to do is make dinner, eat, then go to bed. Working out was, unfortunately, not one of my main priorities.

Ultimately, I have maintained essentially the same weight over the last year. At this point, with the wedding looming in just a few short weeks, I am at peace with that. I will look like me on my wedding day. No, I won't look perfect. But I will look perfect to Mr. CA, and that is what matters.

Did you try to lose weight for your wedding? How successful were you? Were you also shocked at wedding dress sizes?

Why We Serve

As we are now in the home stretch, it is time to talk about something that Mr. CA and I have been thinking a lot about lately. What might that be? Well, it's the backbone behind this whole wedding shebang - our nuptial mass. Yep, our wedding ceremony, where Mr. CA and I will pledge to stand by each other for the rest of our lives, in front of God, our family and our friends. That's deep stuff right there, and sometimes it gets a bit lost in all of the floral inspiration, the ooh-ing and aah-ing over invitations, and the meal choices.

Now, none of this ceremony stuff is a secret, per se, but, well, wouldn't you guests of the CA wedding prefer not to know about every single little thing beforehand? I didn't think so. Let's keep some of the mystery, shall we? Okay, then...

Whew, now that they're gone... Let's talk Wedding Mass!

Give us this day, our daily bread. Photographer: Rudolf Eickemeyer. Library of Congress.

A key component of our Catholic faith is the service of others, and the giving of our resources to help those in need - financially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. Growing up, volunteering my time to serve others was emphasized by my parents, and I am so glad that they have instilled in me a desire to serve. Mr. CA and I continue this tradition through giving of our time, energy, and financial resources to those who need it.

What better way to demonstrate this at our wedding than to have our first act as wife and husband be to distribute the Eucharist during holy Communion?

The Holy Eucharist. Published by N. Currier, 1848. Library of Congress.

I was actually very surprised when our officiant brought this up in a recent Skype session with him (yes, he is super awesome and uses Skype). I had never heard of the couple doing this at a wedding before! As soon as he said it, though, it just made so much sense.

Rev. J explained that, in distributing the consecrated bread, we "demonstrate, with one of (our) first actions as husband and wife, (our) desire to serve the community side by side."

I fell in love with the idea immediately, and demanded that we do this during our ceremony. I was slightly concerned, as Mr. CA and I aren't Eucharistic Ministers, but Rev. J assured us that this is fine, and that he is able to make us 'extraordinary' Eucharistic Ministers for the day. Excellent!



During Communion, all of our guests will be invited forward as a sign of the role each one of our guests is playing in our ceremony. Those who are not receiving the Eucharist will also come forward to receive a blessing, placing their hands over their hearts.

In this way, Mr. CA and I will show our unity with our family and friends, and each other, as we serve them as husband and wife.

I cannot wait to do this. What a meaningful thing to work into our ceremony! I am so glad that Rev. J suggested it.

Are you and your future spouse planning on distributing the Eucharist during your nuptial mass? Have you been to a wedding where the couple did this?

Hair Up, Glasses Off: Remix

A few weekends ago, we trekked out to California for my sister's college graduation. Why is this relevant to weddings? Well, luckily enough, Mr. CA's Auntie also lives in the same town, so we were able to get together with her. Bonus? She is also my wedding hair and makeup artiste extraordinaire!

So, of course, we simply had to do a trial while I was down there, right? I mean, come on, who doesn't love getting themselves done up all nice and pretty like? No one.

Armed with my hair-spiration, we set off. Unfortunately, due to terrible weather across the country, flights were delayed out of Newark, and we missed our connection in Phoenix. Which meant we landed in Phoenix around 1am. Meaning we had to sleep in the Phoenix airport to catch our super-early-morning flight. I was not pleased. Airport-sleeping does not make for a beautiful, fresh-faced Miss Candy A. Yep, I looked pretty haggard. Poor Auntie, she wasn't going to have much to work with.

But, we pressed on, and once we landed, we met up with Auntie and Uncle CA for lunch, then the appointment. I dragged my mom along and pressed her into service as our photographer for the day. Mr. CA and Uncle CA also ended up joining us, so it was just a big ol' Candy Apple party!

Get ready - lots of pics coming your way!

Me, fresh off the Phoenix airport floor with less than an hour's sleep. Dehydrated. Tired. Sexy. Wait, which of those doesn't belong?

Showing Auntie the joys of Pinterest with my saucy curlers in.

I actually really liked the curlers, and vowed to purchase some hot rollers of my own. This has yet to happen. Oh well.

Curls! Love. Seriously, I have always wanted beautiful, lucious curls. Stupid straight hair.

I look like a cheerleader here. Mr. CA arrived around this time, and was kind of like, oooh, you look.... nice? Heh, poor guy. I informed him that I wouldn't look like this the day of our wedding, and he was quite relieved.

And voila! Hair is all done. I told Auntie that I wanted a loose, low updo. I didn't want it to look super sleek, and I think it turned out really well. Exactly as I was envisioning it! Minus my haggard appearance, and drooping eyes.

The side, with Mr. CA and Uncle CA in the background. They're troopers.

I told you - Mom CA = photog. She took her job seriously.

And the back! Simple. Elegant. Natural, and yet classy enough for the big day. Perfect!

Annnd, a close-up of me with hair done, no makeup. Again - this is after a night in the luxurious Phoenix airport. Please excuse the hideousness.

Working her magic... I don't typically wear a ton of makeup, so my instructions to Auntie were "natural-looking, but still elegant." I am a woman of words, let me tell you.

Deer in the headlights!

All done! Oh man, I look so tired here. But happy! And made-up! Yay!

Vogue

I love how it turned out! YAY! Just as I was imagining, but better.

One of Auntie's colleagues forced me to go outside and have a photoshoot. They like getting pictures from all angles, in different light, so that they know how the look will photograph.

Super close up. You're welcome.

You can't really tell in these pictures, but once I got in the car, I realized that the air-brush foundation had gotten all over my pearl earrings! Ha. It wiped off super easily, but I made a mental note to put on my jewelry after makeup on the wedding day.

A shot about an hour or so afterwards, with my lovely Sister/ MOH. Note the hair tendril creeping out.

After an afternoon consisting of a cocktail reception, mass, and another cocktail reception (it was a busy trip, let me tell you). Hair is pretty loose at this point, and that tendril/ curl has escaped the clutches of the bobbypins.

All things considered (no sleep the night before, having been on planes and in an airport for the better part of the 24 hours prior, etc.), I think the trial went really well! I am so happy with the look we're going for - natural, yet still elegant enough for a wedding. I looked way better than I thought I could!

Auntie is, of course, a hair and makeup goddess. I loved getting my hair and face done, and she was so diligent in writing down everything she used during the trial. Seriously, she had a coloring-book style face thingy on which the stylists apply the actual makeup, to color in and show what product/ color went where. She also had a massive list in a notebook where she wrote everything down - products, steps, etc. This is crucial, people! You don't want your stylist forgetting something on the big day. Auntie is so prepared.

Some notes from the trial: we did determine that we wanted to use slightly less air-brushed foundation around my nose. Auntie also assured me that my hair would be super-hairsprayed, with lots more bobbypins, the day of, so that it wouldn't slip out. Don't want that puppy falling down during the ceremony! Thankfully, I will have my stylist on-hand to fix my hair if necessary. Whew.

I am incredibly lucky that she is helping me on my wedding day! It was so much fun being able to spend some girlie time with her, too.

Did your hair and/or make-up trial come out better than expected? Do you have an amazing friend or relative helping out? Do you have an awesome Mom Photographer like I do, to document these fun events?? (Thanks, Mom!)